We all have words we detest. Some of our lexicon is simply abominable. I have my own share of vocabulary I abhor—unfairly or not—and it’s my pious pleasure and pedantic privilege to share those words with you now. Enjoy, plebes.
Rectify • This word may seem perfectly fine by itself. Unfortunately, it bears a remarkable resemblance to another word—and I’d like to stay as far away from that part of the body as possible.
Indubitably • This is literally only something people say when they are trying to sound smart. You’re in a room with someone speaking big words, you don’t know what to say, so you quip, “indubitably.” Unbeknownst to you, this actually makes you sound like an idiot. That’s because everyone knows you’re just saying it to be impressive. It’s the quintessential phony intellectual’s word.
Irregardless • Another phony intellectual’s favorite—except this one is worse. Why? Because it’s just bad English. “Regardless” would be fine. Or “despite this.” Or “but.” Literally anything would be better. Unless you’re Sam Harris and think “irregardlessarily” is a word. Mommy, make the made-up words stop…the phony intellectual is trying to look smart again…
Seriously, I think some people just add as many syllables as they can to words in the desperate hopes of looking intelligent. I think they panic and throw out noises, sort of how a blinded swordsman will stab wildly. No idea what they’re doing.
By the way, Microsoft corrected me when I wrote “irregardless,” saying it’s not a word. Apparently even Microsoft is embarrassed.
That’s just three of them. (Tucks away inner curmudgeon) See you next time!